I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
