She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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