I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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