Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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