Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
