saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
