I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
