Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
