Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
