Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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