doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
