I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
