How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
