He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
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perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
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the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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