wat bout pragnant strippers??
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
