my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
