its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Randomize
