I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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