it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
