and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
