I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
