3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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