We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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