We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
