its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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