someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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