Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
