Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
