I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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