Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Randomize
