My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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