she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
