I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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