does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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