I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
