strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
