apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
