thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
