I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
