He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
