Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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