She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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