I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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