i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
