the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
