so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
