Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
