I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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