Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
