with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
