some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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