i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize