The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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