we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
