I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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