i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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