No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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