YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
