I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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