I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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