tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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