Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize