When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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