I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't deserve a penis
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
