Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
