I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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