How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
did i just pee glitter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
