At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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