Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
