I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
