thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
