Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
