They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
