the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
