I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
