You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
