i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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