did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
