A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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