Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
