two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
