So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
