shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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