It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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