You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
