areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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